Introduction C hild raising has been a subject of debate among adults as long as there have been children. Almost every parent has opinions, or has heard theories about one of the most tenuous and difficult of family relationships: that between parent and adolescent. You've probably said it yourself a hundred times. And you're right. Raising an adolescent is hard on the parent. But adolescence can be even more difficult for the youngster, who is trying to make the transition to young adulthood and is not quite sure how to handle it. This is the time when your young teenager will be faced with many new decisions. Some decisions will be small, others important. Consider the following examples: whether to drive the car, to drink, to smoke, to borrow money, to quit school, to take or quit a job, to marry. Making responsible decisions is a skill that is best learned with the help of someone more experienced. With adult help, youngsters are more likely to make good choices. Shared decision making begins with good communication between parent and child. Good communication skills help to strengthen the mutual respect and trust in the family. It is the objective of this booklet to help family members better understand each other, talk more easily and effectively to each other, and make more responsible decisions that are more agreeable to both parent and child. This booklet is divided into three parts. Part I discusses what's involved for you and your child during the adolescent years. Part II suggests ways to develop more open lines of communication with your teenagers and to guide them in decision making. Part III includes materials designed to help you implement the ideas presented in the preceding sections-some "homework" for parent and child. M ark Twain wrote that at age 17 he thought his father the most ignorant man who ever lived, but at age 21 he was amazed at how much the old man had learned in four short years. What we call the generation gap isn't anything new. Throughout history, teenagers-no longer children, but not yet adults—have questioned the rules laid down by their parents and by society. emotional dependency from their parents to their friends. They will also begin to define more clearly their relationships with others. Whom they will follow and whom they will lead become important decisions. By beginning to develop a responsibility toward younger friends and neighbors they are preparing for the adult role of guiding and teaching others. Finally, adolescents are beginning to narrow and deepen their interests. Instead of a passing interest in many things, they begin to develop a deeper interest in a few ideas and activities. Young people are undertaking a search for their iden tity within a confusing array of choices and challenges. Their world is no longer the gradeschooler's simple and secure environment, protected by parents and teachers. In junior and senior high school, teachers are more challenging and the subjects more difficult. There's more competition for the attention and approval of classmates... increased expectations of parents and teachers ... new extracurricular activities. In earlier times, the institutions of family, neighborhood and community provided stability that could help young people safely through the "growing up" process. Now society is increasingly fragmented and television has introduced children to all aspects of adult life. Thus, communication between parents and their children has become more crucial. Young people need support and advice on how successfully to manage the "work" of the adolescent years. Experiencing growing pains as they verge on maturity, adolescents also need gradual, reasonable preparation for making their own decisions. This includes opportunities to discuss with parents, as well as their peers, what their choices are and the possible consequences of their actions. In the following section we will discuss the various aspects of communications skills and responsible decision making. |