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Expect na, Sir, in this narration,
A fleechin, fleth'rin dedication,
To roose you up, an' ca’ you guid,
An' sprung o’great an' noble bluid,
Because ye're surnam'd like his grace,
Perhaps related to the race;
Then when I'm tir'd-and sae are ye,
Wi' mony a fulsome, sinfu’lie,
Set up a face, how I stop short,
For fear your modesty be hurt.
This may do-maun do, Sir, wi' them wha
Maun please the great folk for a wamefou ;
For me! sae laigh I needna bow,
For, Lord be thankit, I can plough ;
And when I downa yoke a naig,
Then, Lord be thankit, I can beg ;
Sae I shall say, an' that's nae flatt'rin,
It's just sic poet, an' sic patron.
The Poet, some guid angel help him,
Or else, I fear, some ill ane skelp him,
He may do weel for a’ he's done yet,
But only he's no just begun yet.
The Patron (Sir, ye maun forgie me,
I winna lie, come what will o’ me),
On ev'ry hand it will allow'd be,
He's just—nae better than he should be.
I readily and freely grant,
He downa see a poor man want;
What's no his ain he winna tak it,
What aince he says he winna break it;
Ought he can lend he'll no refus't,
Till aft his guidness is abus'd ;
And rascals whyles that do him wrang,
Ev’n that, he doesna mind it lang:
As master, landlord, husband, father,
He doesna fail his part in either.
But then, nae thanks to him for a' that ;
Nae godly symptom ye can ca’ that;
It's naething but a milder feature
Of our poor sinfu' corrupt nature:
Ye'll get the best o' moral works,
'Mang black Gentoos and pagan Turks,
Or hunters wild on Ponotaxi,
Wha never heard of orthodoxy.
That he's the poor man's friend in need,
The gentleman in word and deed,
It's no thro’ terror of d-mn-tion;
It's just a carnal inclination.
Morality, thou deadly bane,
Thy tens o' thousands thou hast slain!
Vain is his hope, whose stay and trust is
In moral mercy, truth, and justice !
No-stretch a point to catch a plack;
Abuse a brother to his back;
Steal thro' a winnock frae a wh-re,
But point the rake that taks the door :
Be to the poor like onie whunstane,
And haud their noses to the grunstane,
Ply ev'ry art, o' legal thieving;
Nae matter, stick to sound believing.
Learn three-mile pray’rs, and half-mile graces,
Wi' weel spread looves, an' lang wry faces;
Grunt up a solemn, lengthen'd groan,
And damn a' parties but your own;
I'll warrant then, ye're nae deceiver,
A steady, sturdy, staunch believer.
wha leave the springs of C-lv-n,
For gumlie dubs of your ain delvin !
Ye sons of heresy and error,
Ye'll some day squeel in quaking terror!
When vengeance draws the sword in wrath,
And in the fire throws the sheath;
When Ruin, with his sweeping besom,
Just frets till Heav'n commission gies him:
While o'er the harp pale mis’ry moans,
And strikes the ever-deep’ning tones,
Still louder shrieks, and heavier groans !
Your pardon, Sir, for this digression,
I maist forgat my dedication;
But when divinity comes cross me,
My readers still are sure to lose me.
So, Sir, ye see 'twas nae daft vapour,
But I maturely thought it proper,
When a' my works I did review,
To dedicate them, Sir, to You :
Because (ye needna tak it ill)
I thought them something like yoursel.
Then patronize them wi' your favour,
And your petitioner shall ever-
I had amaist said, ever pray,
But that's a word I needna say:
For prayin I hae little skill o't;
I'm baith dead-sweer, an' wretched ill o't;
But I'se repeat each poor man's pray’r,
That kens or hears about you, Sir-
May ne'er misfortune's gowling bark Howl thro' the dwelling o' the Clerk ! May ne'er his gen'rous, honest heart, For that same gen'rous spirit smart!
May K******'s far honour'd name
Lang beet bis hymeneal flame,
Till H*******'s, at least a dizen,
Are frae their nuptial labours risen:
Five bonnie lasses round their table,
And seven braw fellows, stout an' able
To serve their king and country weel,
By word, or pen, or pointed steel !
May health and peace, with mutual rays,
Shine on the evening o' his days;
Till his wee curlie John's ier-oe,
When ebbing life nae mair shall flow,
The last, sad, mournful rites bestow!'
I will not wind a lang conclusion,
Wi' complimentary effusion:
But whilst your wishes and endeavours
Are blest with Fortune's smiles and favours,
I am, dear Sir, with zeal most fervent,
You much indebted, humble servant.
But if (which Pow'rs above prevent!) That iron-hearted carl, Want, Attended, in his grim advances, By sad mistakes, and black mischances, While hopes, and joys, and pleasures fly him, Make you as poor a dog as I am, Your humble servant then no more; For who would humbly serve the poor? But, by a poor man's hopes in Heaven! While recollection's pow'r is given, If, in the vale of humble life, The victim sad of fortune's strife, I, thro’ the tender gushing tear, Should recognise my master dear, If friendless, low, we meet together, Then, Sir, your hand-my friend and brother!
ON SEEING ONE ON A LADY'S BONNET, AT CHURCH.
HA! whare ye gaun, ye crowlin ferlie!
Your impudence protects you sairly:
I canna say but ye strunt rarely,
Owre gauze and lace;
Tho' faith, I fear ye dine but sparely
On sic a place.
Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner,
How dare ye set your fit upon her,
Sae fine a lady!
Gae somewhere else, and seek your dinner
On some poor body.
Swith, in some beggar's haffet squattle;
There ye may creep, and sprawl, and sprattle
Wi’ įther kindred, jumpin cattle,
In shoals and nations;
Whare horn or bane ne'er dare unsettle
Your thick plantations.
Now haud ye there, ye're out o' sight,
Below the fatt'rils, snug an' tight;
Na, faith ye yet! ye'll no be right
Till ye've got on it,
The vera tapmost, tow'ring height