down at one swallow. The next thing he gave such a yell, bolted through the door, and after that he never troubled me much."" There was one of Ludlow's party, a young Swiss watch-maker, who had spoken lightly of the Mormons, and when he was told he was in the Territory of Utah his horror was ludicrously evident: quite conclusive. In the course of it he said, ❘ that. He just threw his head back, and took it however, that at the time of the murder there was great confusion, as the ship was in much peril, and requiring all the attention of the sailors to prevent her striking on a rock. My father, who defended the prisoners, asked so many questions as to the exact number of the crew, and where each man was, and what he was engaged in during this perilous time, that at last the judge whispered, 'I suppose, Mr. Adolphus, those questions are to the purpose? I own I do not see it,' thinking, doubtless, the time of the Court was being wasted. After a few more questions as to the special duty each man was performing, the witness had accounted for every man on board, the captain being below, and the two prisoners murdering him. My father fixed his eyes steadily on the witness, and said, in a searching and loud voice, Then who was at the helm?' The wretched mate dropped down in a fit, and soon after confessed he was himself the murderer. In his false evidence he had given to each man his position, and forgotten the most material, or rather left none to fill it." THERE are one or two humorous things in Fitz Hugh Ludlow's "Heart of the Continent" that are worth transferring to the Drawer. First is an account of what is called “An Indian Visit" to the house of a frontiers-man named Comstock, showing what a good thing it is to have the "friendly Indian" call on you: "His broken English deserted him entirely, and he fell back on his French. 'Mon Dieu! ce n'était qu'une de mes petites plaisanteries! seulement ça-seulement, seulement-parole d'honneur! Je n'ai point de préjugés, moi! Toute ma famille, nous sommes francs-penseurs-mon frère aîné est Voltairien. Ventrebleu! un des plus prééminens! Je suis philosophe-je ne crois rien de tout. Adolphe (c'est notre cadetlà), il n'a que vingt ans, et ses liaisons montent jusq'à deux fois ce numéro! il est vrai libertinvrai Don Giovanni! Moi je n'ai point de préjugés-quant aux mormons, de mon enfance j'ai éprouvé pour ces braves gens des sentiments les plus respectueuses, les plus affectionnés. Que voulez-vous? Une femme, deux femmes, trois, quatre, cinq, cent, mil-c'est égal! Mais quoi! Si je resterais à Salt-Lac-je ne me gênerais pas per l'arithmétique-je me marierais, je vous le jure! deux fois par mois-régulièr-r-r-r-ement.' As to waltzing, there's no doubt at all about its being pleasant. The difficulty lies in executing the manœuvre. The mode of execution adopted by one party, at least, is perfectly simple, and may be practiced with impunity by any one. "How is it," said one swell, who never could please the damsels, to another, who was immensely popular-"how is it that all the women want to waltz with you, and say that no one can waltz so well? How do you manage it?" "Even where a tribe pretends to be friendly, its only distinction between that and the hostile bearing is that, instead of scalping you first and robbing you afterward, it takes all the property it can lay its hands on, and leaves your hair for a more convenient season. A band of 'friendly' Sioux comes to a small settlement, stops at the first house, emaciates itself by drawing in the cheeks and abdomen, denotes by sepulchral grunts and distressed gestures that it has had nothing to cat for three shneep' (whereby three sleeps, or entire days and nights, are intended), seizes on every thing edible and, if the white feather is shown it, every thing portable which it can appreciate besides; confiscates guns, ammunition, and whisky; and, having cleared out house number one, goes in succession to every other dwelling, with the same emaciation, gesture, and appropriation, until it departs at the other end of THE OPENING OF THE NEW COURT-HOUSE IN MISSOULA the settlement, stuffed beyond the elasticity of all conceivable animals save Indians and anacondas, and loaded with the materials for a month's barter and a fortnight's 'drunk.' I asked Mary Comstock if she was not afraid of such visitors. 'Oh no!' she replied; we always get the guns out of sight when we are left alone by the menfolks, so that if the Indians come we needn't be robbed of what must defend us on a pinch; and if we see them coming, we bolt the doors, and talk to them through the shut window. Some times they steal a march on us, and the first thing we know they're swarming in like beesasking for every thing they see, hunting for something to eat, and begging to be "treated." We generally give 'em every thing they want to eat, but when it comes to liquor-not we! One young Indian last summer got mighty sassy when his band came here, and insisted on having something to drink. At last I got a bottle of Perry Davis's Pain-killer, and handed him To which the swell replied, "Why, my dear fellow, I just hold them and let them kick!" SIMPLY to put on record the gushing style in which they celebrate local events in the Rocky Mountains, we copy the following, sent to the Drawer by a friend in Missoula, Montana: GRAND INAUGURATION BALL! WILL BE FORMALLY INAUGURATED BY THE on TUESDAY EVENING, JUNE 20, 1871, GRAND SALTATORY REUNION! The lofty and splendidly proportioned Court-Room of the Beautiful Edifice has been decided upon as the most appropriate place for celebrating the auspicious event. The Managers confidently expect that the pleasure of your own company, and the lustre shed by the attendance of your lady, will materially contribute to render this brilliant occasion an unqualified success. TICKETS (Including Sybarite Refection), $6. THERE is infinite drollery in Ruskin, provided you regard him as a wag, and read him with jocular intent. His last book has the popular title of "Fors Clavigera," which he defines to be " many things." These "things" he publishes on costly cream-colored paper, with a margin underneath which you can write on if you like;" that style of publication, he main- | fair advantages: there are no lawyers in them, tains, being "a proper form of book for any man no town councils, and no parliaments. Such to have who can keep his books clean, and if he republicanism, if possible on a large scale, would can not he has no business with books at all." be worth fighting for; though in my own private Mr. Ruskin meekly says, "I am not an unselfish mind I confess I should like to keep a few lawperson, nor an evangelical one; I have no par-yers for the sake of their wigs-and the faces ticular pleasure in doing good; neither do I dis- under them-generally very grand when they like doing it so much as to expect to be reward- are really good lawyers, and for their (unprofesed for it in another world." His views about sional) talk. Government, Liberalism, Conservatism, and Destruction are droll to a degree, and his wishes as to the ultimate fate of the city of New York are splendid. Let us take a little Ruskin : I "The first object of all work-not the principal one, but the first and necessary one-is to get food, clothes, lodging, and fuel. It is quite possible to have too much of all these things. I know a great many gentlemen who eat too large dinners; a great many ladies who have too many clothes. I know there is lodging to spare in London, for I have several houses there myself which I can't let......Now it is perfectly true that you may sometimes sell a picture for a thousand pounds; but the chances are greatly against your doing so-much more than the chances of a lottery. In the first place, you must paint a very clear picture; and the chances are greatly against your doing that. In the second place, you must meet with an amiable picture-dealer; and the chances are somewhat against your doing that. In the third place, the amiable picturedealer must meet with a fool; and the chances are not always in favor even of his doing that— though, as I gave exactly the sum in question for a picture myself only the other day, it is not for me to say so. FROM the "Reminiscences of Mark Lemon" we quote the following: 66 "And, first, I beg you most solemnly to convince yourselves of the partly comfortable, partly formidable fact, that your prosperity is in your own hands; that only in a remote degree does it depend on external matters, and least of all on forms of government. In all times of trouble the first thing to be done is to make the most of whatever forms of government you have got by setting honest men to work them (the trouble, in all probability, having arisen only from the want of such); and, for the rest, you must in no wise concern yourselves about them; more particularly it would be lost time to do so at this moment, when whatever is popularly said about governments can not but be absurd from want of definition of terms. Consider, for instance, the ridiculousness of the division of parties into 'Liberal' and 'Conservative.' There is no opposition whatever between those two kinds of men. There is opposition between Liberals and Illiberals-that is to say, between people who desire liberty and who dislike it. am a violent Illiberal, but it does not follow "A brusque but wealthy ship-owner of Sunderthat I must be a Conservative. A Conservative land once entered the London office of Mr. is a person who wishes to keep things as they Lindsay on business. Noo, is Lindsay in?" are; and he is opposed to a Destructive, who inquired the Northern diamond in the rough. wishes to destroy them, or to an Innovator, who 'Sir?' exclaimed the clerk to whom the inquiry wishes to alter them. Now, though I am an Il- was addressed. 'Well, then, is Mister Lindsay liberal, there are many things I should like to in, seest thou?' 'He will be in shortly,' said destroy. I should like to destroy most of the the clerk. Will you wait?' The Sunderland railroads in England, and all the railroads in ship-owner intimated that he would wait, and was Wales. I should like to destroy and rebuild the ushered into an adjacent room, where a person Houses of Parliament, the National Gallery, and was busily engaged in copying some statistics. the East End of London; and to destroy, with- Our Sunderland friend paced the room several out rebuilding, the new town of Edinburgh, the times, and presently, walking to the table where north suburb of Geneva, and the city of New the other occupant of the room was seated, took York (!!!). Thus in many things I am the re- careful note of the writer's doings. The copier verse of Conservative-nay, there are some long-looked up inquiringly, when the Northerner said, established things which I hope to see changed before I die; but I want still to keep the fields of England green and her cheeks red; and that girls should be taught to courtesy, and boys to take their hats off, when a professor or otherwise dignified person passes by; and that kings should keep their crowns on their heads, and bishops their crosiers in their hands, and should duly recognize the significance of the crown and the use of the crook......Men only associate in parties by sacrificing their opinions, or by having none worth sacrificing; and the effect of party government is always to develop hostilities and hypocrisies, and to extinguish ideas...... Even with respect to convenience only, it is not yet determinable by the evidence of history what is absolutely the best form of government to live under. There are, indeed, said to be republican villages [towns?] in America where every body is civil, honest, and substantially comfortable; but these villages have several un ་ 'I The Thou writes a bonny hand, thou dost.' am glad you think so,' was the reply. 'Ah, thou dost; thou macks thy figures weel; thou'rt just the chap I want.' 'Indeed,' said the Londoner. Yes, indeed,' said Sunderland. 'I'm a man of few words. Noo, if thou'lt come ower to canny aud Soonderland, thou seest, I'll gie thee a hoondred and twenty pound a year, and that's a plum thou doesn't meet with every day in thy life, I reckon. Noo, then?' Londoner thanked the admirer of his penmanship most gratefully, and intimated that he would like to consult Mr. Lindsay upon the subject. Ah, that's reet,' said our honest friend-' that's reet; all fair and above-board with : that's reet;' and in walked Mr. Lindsay, who cordially greeted his Sunderland friend; after which the gentleman at the desk gravely rose and informed Mr. Lindsay of the handsome appointment which had been offered to him in the Sunderland shipowner's office. 'Very well,' said Mr. Lindsay, 'I should be sorry to stand in your way; £120 | settle this matter very shortly. You, Mr. Clerk, is more than I can just now afford to pay you hold on to the dog. You, Mr. Plaintiff, go out in the department in which you are at present into the far corner of the room out there. You, placed. You will find my friend a good Mr. Defendant, come into this corner up here. and kind master; and, under the circumstances, Now both of you whistle, and, Mr. Clerk, let loose I think the sooner you know each other the bet- the dog.' ter. Allow me, therefore, Mr. to introduce to you the Right Honorable W. E. Gladstone, her Majesty's Chancellor of the Exchequer.' Mr. Gladstone had been engaged in making a note of some shipping returns for his budget. The Sunderland ship-owner, you may be sure, was a little taken aback at first; but he soon recovered his self-possession, and enjoyed the joke quite as much as Mr. Gladstone did." IN one of the Down-East States there was, some twenty-five years ago, a certain judge of a justice's court whom we will call Judge Cush. The statute of that State excluded such judge from any jurisdiction in any case where the title to real estate was called in question; but allowed the proceedings in such case to be transmitted to a higher court upon the request of either party. A case of landlord and tenant came one day before Judge Cush. In the course of the trial it appeared that the title to the real estate was in question. Defendant called the judge's attention to the matter, and asked him if he was satisfied of the fact. The judge assented. "Then," said the defendant, "will your Honor have an entry made upon the record to that effect?" "Mr. Clerk," said the judge, "enter upon your record the fact that the title to the real estate in this case is called in question." The clerk did so. IN the days of Rufus Choate a new districtattorney was appointed, who was exceedingly rusty in his law, and often made excuses for mistakes on that account. One day, however, the attorney was called in to attend to a case which he professed he was not ready to try, because he did not know of a certain agreement upon the subject. "Humph!" said Choate; "he has been pleading ignorance of the law for months, and I beg he may not now be allowed successfully to plead ignorance of the fact." So said, so done; but the dog sprang between the legs of the by-standers and "scooted" out of the door. "Very extraordinary! very extraordinary!" said the judge. "I can't understand that. Mr. Clerk, on the whole, as the plaintiff couldn't prove his case when I gave him the chance, you may enter judgment for the defendant." A SELECT Squad of us went from an inland village to the Ohio River on a fishing excursion. No sooner had we pitched our tent and rigged our tackle than we were honored with a visit from Jake Henthorn. Jake is a man of too independent a spirit to be tyrannized over by despotic fashion or arbitrary conventionalities. Accordingly he goes barefoot twelve months in the year; and in consequence of the expanded valley which his "footsy-tootsies" make in the mud (frequently in the vicinity of hen-roosts) he is best known as "Barefooted Jake." However, it is not with Jake's "bug-mashers" that we have to do, but with the "elastic receptivity" of his maw. One morning Bill Lynch and I were running the fishing business, while Bill Read prepared breakfast. Jake's instincts prompted him to shassay" around the fire, and feast his nostrils on the odor of a ten-pound perch which was then baking. In due time Lynch and I returned to camp for our breakfasts, and found Read coming in with an armful of wood. "Well, how about grub?" was our greeting. "Oh, all right; I'll set it out for you in a minute, boys. But just come this way, and see the nicest baked perch you ever laid eyes on." We went and we looked; but saw only a rick of bones, from which every fibre of meat had been picked! Jake had been there before us. I don't distinctly remember whether we swore or not. It don't seem to me as if we did. Anyhow, we ate breakfast without fish. During the afternoon, while we were all lounging on the bank, Jake yawned, and drawled out: "I'd like to have as many fish as I could eat, jist onst. I hain't had a mess since Tom Whitten ketched the big cat-fish." "Jake," said I, in a tone meant to be scornfully sarcastic, "I thought you had a pretty fair mess this morning. You ate at least fifteen pounds." "Oh yes," replied Jake, "I ate that; but what I mean is a reel, reg'lar mess. A NEW idiom comes to us from Newark, New Jersey: She re Our servant, writes our correspondent, is a newly arrived German, and was sent by my wife to the fish-market to get a "she shad." turned with the article, and a very red face besides, and in a state of rage exclaimed, "I don't know why dem beebles laff so mit me!" "What did you say to them, Katy?" "Why," answered the honest Teuton, "I ask dem for a wife shad, and dey all laugh mit me.' NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE. No. CCLVII.-OCTOBER, 1871.-VOL. XLIII. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, by Harper and Brothers, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. VOL. XLIII.-No. 257.-41 The priestly mocking-bird Wakens the grossbeak with his early hymn, And down the slopes, and through the woodlands dim, Her gold-enameled bells The tall campanula rings; 'mid daisies white The benzoin's breath divine Spices the air; the jasmine censers swing; The brown bees come and go; Pomegranates, golden-brown, Drop delicate nectar through each rifted rind; The gray cicada sings Drowsily amid th' acacia's feathery leaves; October silently His pleasant work fulfills with busy hands, Deep in the shady dell The cowherd, whistling at his own rude will, Calling, with warning lips, Matron and maid, albeit the south winds blow, The fishers in the boats, Mending their nets with murmurous song and noise, From the gray chapel floats. They think how, o'er the bay, The sailor bridegroom, from her white arins torn, Then, rocking with the tide, They reckon up the news of yesterday, And count what time to-day within the bay The home-bound ship may ride. * The ribbon-grass of Southern Texas (Phalaris americana) is remarkable for its splendid colors. The winged seeds of a species of thistle. |