146 A BIT OF LEGISLATIVE FUN. [1859. CHAPTER XII. THE Territorial legislature of this winter was a more reputable body than that of the previous year. Still one of the representatives, originally from Indiana, in recording himself a physician transcribed very promptly the letters 'P-h-i-s-i'-then hesitated a moment, and at last, turning to a bystander asked in all seriousness: 'Do you spell physician 'tion,' or 'sion?' This parliamentary body had the genuine frontier fondness for rollicking humor. One day a jovial lobby member from Coffey county, whom for convenience I will call Jones, was discovered attempting to kiss a chamber-maid at his hotel. This was a good pretext for sport. So, late that night a burlesque court was organized. A Hoosier judge, named Baker, irrepressibly funny, presided. Mr. Larzalere the speaker of the House of Representatives, was appointed to the high dignity of constable. An indictment was framed against Jones, charging him with the offense already mentioned, as committed 'in defiance of the form of statute for such cases made and provided, and against the peace and dignity of the Territory of Kansas.' The constable found him in bed; but he was unceremoniously dragged forth, and after a hasty toilet, brought into the courtroom. A jury was impaneled with some difficulty, many persons being challenged on the most novel grounds. Territorial Secretary Walsh, for example, was excused from serving, on the allegation. of bad moral character. Two members of the House were appointed, one to prosecute, and the other to defend the suit. It being well understood that all fines there assessed were payable in oysters, the witnesses, instead of being sworn to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, were reminded that they 1859.] COST OF KISSING A CHAMBER-MAID. 147 stood before an august tribunal in the great Mississippi valley; and warned to stand on their dignity, and give the testimony which, in their judgment, would produce the most oysters for the court! The proof, though utterly contradictory, was held conclusive, the court ruling that names and dates were immaterial, and that hearsay testimony was circumstantial evidence. The case was made out in the most minute manner, even to exhibiting the bald head of Jones, from which the young woman was alleged to have plucked the hair in self-defense! The prosecuting attorneyJohn W. Wright, who had been for twenty years a district judge in Indiana-attempted to break down a witness for defense named Warren, by asking impertinent questions, when Warren retorted by giving such testimony as implicated Wright himself in the assault, and he was promptly taken into custody as an accessory to the crime. R. B. Mitchell, counsel for defense, upon hinting that the court was partial, was fined two cans of oysters for contempt. The case was argued. The court, in charging the jury, instructed them peremptorily to bring in a verdict of guilty. The prosecutor suggesting some further instructions in regard to the amount of the fine, the judge rebuked him sharply, assuring him that the court understood herself perfectly! Jones was of course found guilty. The judge, after a touching appeal to his feelings, fined him twelve cans of oysters and two baskets of champagne; assured him that it being a court of original and exclusive jurisdiction, there could be no appeal from its decisions, and ordered him into custody until the fine and costs should be paid. He, entering fully into the spirit of the occasion, did not demur; and within half an hour, court, jury, spectators and the prisoner, sat down to the repast. Toasts, songs and speeches followed, and the festivities were prolonged until the total expense to Jones of attempting to kiss the pretty chamber-maid, footed up to about a hundred dollars. The legislature passed scores of divorce bills. Practically, any one asking for a divorce, could obtain it; and in every case both parties were authorized to marry again. One lady (whose husband had separated from her in Boston because like the mightiest Julius he would have a wife above suspicion,) now residing tem porarily in Kansas, sent in a petition to be released from her bonds. The chairman of the House committee on marriage and divorce 148 EASY DIVORCE IN NEW STATES. [1859. a confirmed old bachelor-reported with grim satire, that the wrongs she had suffered appealed to the humanity of every member present; and recommended that her prayer be granted. A bill was at once reported: the rules were suspended and in four or five hours it passed both branches, was signed by the governor and became a law. One wag in the House, introduced a bill declaring marriage abolished in Kansas, and free love established in its place. A second moved that the legislative bachelors proceed to ballot for the 'widows' who had been divorced. A third in an earnest speech de clared that divorce bills were now passed so hastily as to render it unsafe for a married man to seek his domestic couch at night, lest he should wake up in the morning to find himself violating a commandment. I received a letter from a citizen of Massachusetts ask ing whether his wife, who was spending the winter in Lawrence, passed by her maiden or wedded name, and whether she had ap plied for divorce. Upon examining the statutes, I learned that she had been divorced for more than six months. The divorce laws of all our new States and Territories are practically very liberal; seldom compelling men or women to remain in marriage bonds which they wish severed, save in cases where the motive for gaining freedom is obviously mercenary. It is a striking illustration of the differing customs of different sections, that while in South Carolina, and also in New Mexico where the doctrines of the Roman church rule, no one can obtain a divorce for any cause, yet in Utah even the probate courts have full power with or without public notice to divorce any person demanding it, with or without cause. This Kansas legislature abrogated by a single act, the multitu dinous and barbarous laws passed by the legislature of Missouri invaders, and until now in nominal force. The repeal caused general rejoicing; and in a bonfire of tar barrels at Lawrence, the huge volume of bogus statutes was burned amid joyful shouts and huzzas. Another copy was sent to the governor of Missouri, with a statement that the people of Kansas had no further use for it. The legislature also passed an 'amnesty act,' directing that all persons charged with crimes arising from political disturbances in 1859.] PRISONERS BROUGHT TO LAWRENCE. 149 several counties named, should be set at liberty, and be exempt from further trial for deeds of the past. This compromise measure was designed to put a stop to the endless feuds, and to start anew, with a clean record under an agreement from Free State and Pro-slavery men, to discountenance all further violence. But on the day after the adjournment of the legislative assembly, the quiet city was stirred by an excitement, sudden and fierce as a Texas norther. It was caused by the arrival from Bourbon county, of fifteen Free State prisoners, handcuffed and strongly guarded. The officer in charge was reported to be Hamilton, the Marais des Cygnes murderer. As the party entered town, the news passed through the streets like a gust of wind over a field of 150 AN UNFORTUNATE HAMILTON. [1859. ripe wheat. The citizens, without organization or leader, rushed forth to rescue the prisoners. They bore them triumphantly to a blacksmith shop, and cut off their irons. The shaggy, wild-looking guard, half intoxicated, and wholly frightened, attempted to fly, but were pursued by a madly-shouting crowd. Successively each was caught, dragged from the saddle, and deprived of horse, gun, and revolver, with the speed of lightning. Then the eager cry rang out: Hamilton! Where's Hamilton ?' A horseman suddenly struck spur and galloped away. The excited crowd saw him, and pursued. "There he goes!' was the shout, followed by the flash of twenty rifles and revolvers. But the bullets passed harmless, and he was out of range. Afterward it appeared that the horseman was not the Hamilton and did not belong to the posse; but was a quiet citizen who chanced to ride into town with it. He learned precisely what's in a name, and narrowly escaped death because an acquaintance had been overheard to call him 'Hamilton.' |