NEPTUNE'S TRIUMPH FOR THE RETURN OF ALBION. CELEBRATED IN A MASQUE AT THE COURT ON THE TWELFTH-NIGht, 1624. Omnis et ad reducem jam litat ara Deum.-MART. NEPTUNE'S TRIUMPH, &C.] Charles (i. e. Albion) returned from his ill-fated expedition to Spain on the fifth of October, in the preceding year (1623). Before this Masque appeared, the Spanish match was completely broken off, and James, who had long set his heart upon it, and for several years honestly and sedulously laboured to effect it, wearied out at length by the interminable juggling of the court of Spain, was, by this time, reconciled to the disappointment. Neptune's Triumph appears to have been celebrated with uncommon magnificence. All hearts and hands were in it; and the Spanish influence then received a check, from which it has not recovered to this day. NEPTUNE'S TRIUMPH, ETC. His Majesty being set, and the loud music ceasing. All that is discovered of a scene, are two erected pillars, dedicated to Neptune, with this inscription upon the one, NEP. RED. On the other. SEC. Jov. The Poet entering on the stage, to disperse the argument, is called to by the Master-Cook. Cook. O you hear, you creature of diligence and business? what is the affair, that you pluck for so, under your cloke? Poet. Nothing, but what I colour for, I assure you; and may encounter with, I hope, if luck favour me, the gamesters' goddess. Cook. You are a votary of hers, it seems, by your language. What went you upon, may a man ask you? Poet. Certainties, indeed, sir, and very good ones; the representation of a masque; you'll see't anon. Cook. Sir, this is my room, and region too, the Banquetting-house. And in matter of feast, the solemnity, nothing is to be presented here, but with my acquaintance and allowance to it. Poet. You are not his majesty's confectioner, are you? Cook. No, but one that has a good title to the room, his Master-cook. What are you, sir? Poet. The most unprofitable of his servants, I, sir, the Poet. A kind of a Christmas ingine: one that is used at least once a year, for a trifling instrument of wit, or so. Cook. Were you ever a cook? Poet. A cook! no, surely. Cook. Then you can be no good poet: for a good poet differs nothing at all from a master-cook. Either's art is the wisdom of the mind. Poet. As how, sir? Cook. Expect. I am by my place, to know how to please the palates of the guests; so you are to know the palates of the times; study the several tastes, what every nation, the Spaniard, the Dutch, the French, the Walloun, the Neapolitan, the Britain, the Sicilian, can expect from you. Poet. That were a heavy and hard task, to satisfy Expectation, who is so severe an exactress of duties; ever a tyrannous mistress, and most times a pressing enemy. Cook. She is a powerful great lady, sir, at all times, and must be satisfied: so must her sister, madam Curiosity, who hath as dainty a palate as she; and these will expect. Poet. But what if they expect more than they understand? Cook. That's all one, master Poet, you are bound to satisfy them. For there is a palate of the understanding, as well as of the senses. The taste is taken with good relishes, the sight with fair objects, the hearing with delicate sounds, the smelling with pure scents, the feeling with soft and plump bodies, but the understanding with all these; for all which you must begin at the kitchen. There the art of Poetry was learn'd, and found out, or nowhere; and the same day with the art of Cookery. Poet. I should have given it rather to the cellar, if my suffrage had been ask'd. Cook. O, you are for the oracle of the bottle, I see; hogshead Trismegistus; he is your Pegasus. Thence flows the spring of your muses, from that hoof. Seduced Poet, I do say to thee A boiler, range, and dresser were the fountains And that's the kitchen. What! a master-cook! him, Till thou hast serv'd some years in that deep school, And heard'st him read, interpret, and demonstrate. Some he dry-ditches, some motes round with broths; And teacheth all the tactics at one dinner :2 1 A master-cook! &c.] Cartwright has reduced this into practice in his Ordinary, and furnished out a military dinner with great pleasantry, at the expense of Have-at-all, who is desirous to grow valiant, as lawyers do learned, by eating. This speech is also closely imitated by the master-cook in Fletcher's tragedy of Rollo Duke of Normandy. 2 And teacheth all the tactics at one dinner.] This seems to be taken from the poet Posidippus, who in Athenæus compares a good cook to a good general: Αγαθου στρατηγου διαφερειν ουδεν δοκει. And Athenion in like manner (see Athenæus, 1. 14. c. 23) attributes to the art of cookery, and kitchen-philosophy, what the poets |