ACT IV.

SCENE I. A Room in Lady TAILBUSH'S House.
Enter Lady TAILBUSH and MEERCRAFT.
Lady Tailbush.

POX upon referring to commissioners!
I had rather hear that it were past the seals:
You courtiers move so snail-like in your
business.

Would I had not begun with you!

Meer. We must move,

Madam, in order, by degrees; not jump.

Lady T. Why, there was sir John Moneyman could jump

A business quickly.

Meer. True, he had great friends;

But, because some, sweet madam, can leap ditches,
We must not all shun to go over bridges.
The harder parts, I make account, are done,
Now 'tis referr'd: you are infinitely bound
Unto the ladies, they have so cried it up!
Lady T. Do they like it then?

Meer. They have sent the Spanish lady
To gratulate with you.

Lady T. I must send them thanks,

And some remembrances.

Meer. That you must, and visit them.
Where's Ambler ?

Lady T. Lost, to-day, we cannot hear of him.
Meer. Not, madam !

Lady T. No, in good faith: they say he lay not

At home to-night. And here has fallen a business Between your cousin and master Manly, has Unquieted us all.

Meer. So I hear, madam.

Pray you, how was it?

Lady T. Troth, it but appears

Ill on your kinsman's part. You may have heard, That Manly is a suitor to me, I doubt not.

Meer. I guess'd it, madam.

Lady T. And it seems, he trusted

Your cousin to let fall some fair reports

Of him unto me.

Meer. Which he did!

Lady T. So far

From it, as he came in, and took him railing
Against him.

Meer. How! And what said Manly to him?

Lady T. Enough, I do assure you; and with that

scorn

Of him and the injury, as I do wonder

How Everill bore it; but that guilt undoes
Many men's valours.

Enter MANLY.

Meer. Here comes Manly.

Man. Madam, I'll take my leave-
Lady T. You shall not go, i' faith.

I'll have you stay and see this Spanish miracle,

Of our English lady.

Man. Let me pray your ladyship,

Lay your commands on me some other time.

Lady T. Now, I protest; and I will have all pieced,

And friends again.

Man. It will be but ill-solder'd!

Lady T. You are too much affected with it.

Man. I cannot,

Madam, but think on't for the injustice.

Lady T. Sir,

His kinsman here is sorry.

Meer. Not I, madam,

I am no kin to him, we but call cousins:
And if he were, sir, I have no relation
Unto his crimes.

Man. You are not urged with them.

I can accuse, sir, none but mine own judgment;
For though it were his crime so to betray me,
I am sure, 'twas more mine own, at all to trust him:
But he therein did use but his old manners,

And savour strongly what he was before.
Lady T. Come, he will change.

Man. Faith, I must never think it;
Nor were it reason in me to expect,

That, for my sake, he should put off a nature
He suck'd in with his milk. It may be, madam,
Deceiving trust is all he has to trust to:

If so, I shall be loth, that any hope
Of mine should bate him of his means.

Lady T. You are sharp, sir:

This act may make him honest.

Man. If he were

To be made honest by an act of parliament,
I should not alter in my faith of him.

Enter Lady Eitherside.

Lady T. Eitherside!

Welcome, dear Eitherside! how hast thou done, good wench?

Thou hast been a stranger: I have not seen thee this week.

Lady E. Ever your servant, madam.

Lady T. Where hast thou been?

I did so long to see thee.

Lady E. Visiting, and so tired!

I protest, madam, 'tis a monstrous trouble.

Lady T. And so it is. I swear I must to-morrow Begin my visits, would they were over, at court: It tortures me to think on them.

Lady E. I do hear

You have cause, madam, your suit goes on.
Lady T. Who told thee?

Lady E. One that can tell; master Eitherside.
Lady T. O, thy husband.

Yes faith, there's life in't now; it is referr'd.
If we once see it under the seals, wench, then,
Have with them for the great caroch, six horses,
And the two coachmen, with my Ambler bare,
And my three women; we will live, i'faith,
The examples of the town, and govern
I'll lead the fashion still.

Lady E. You do that now,

Sweet madam.

Lady T. O but then, I'll every day

it :

Bring up some new device. Thou and I, Eitherside, Will first be in it, I will give it thee;

And they shall follow us. Thou shalt, I swear,

Wear every month a new gown out of it.

Lady E. Thank you, good madam.

Lady T. Pray thee call me Tailbush,

As I thee Eitherside; I love not this madam.

Lady E. Then I protest to you, Tailbush, I am glad Your business so succeeds.

Lady T. Thank thee, good Eitherside.

Lady E. But master Eitherside tells me, that he

likes

Your other business better.

Lady T. Which?

Lady E. Of the tooth-picks.

Lady T. I never heard of it.

Lady E. Ask master Meercraft.

Meer. Madam! [Aside to MANLY.]—He is one, in

a word, I'll trust his malice

With any man's credit, I would have abused.

Man. Sir, if you think you do please me in this, You are deceived.

Meer. No, but because my lady

Named him my kinsman, I would satisfy you
What I think of him; and pray you upon it

To judge me.

Man. So I do; that ill men's friendship Is as unfaithful as themselves.

Lady T. Do you hear?

Have you a business about tooth-picks?
Meer. Yes, madam;

Did I ne'er tell it you? I meant to have offer'd it
Your ladyship, on the perfecting the patent.
Lady T. How is it?

Meer. For serving the whole state with tooth-picks;
Somewhat an intricate business to discourse: but
I show how much the subject is abused,

First, in that one commodity; then what diseases
And putrefactions in the gums are bred,

By those are made of adulterate and false wood;
My plot for reformation of these, follows:
To have all tooth-picks brought unto an office,
There seal'd; and such as counterfeit them, mulcted.
And last, for venting them, to have a book
Printed, to teach their use, which every child
Shall have throughout the kingdom, that can read,
And learn to pick his teeth by: which beginning
Early to practise, with some other rules,

Of never sleeping with the mouth open, chewing
Some grains of mastick, will preserve the breath
Pure and so free from taint-

Enter TRAINS, and whispers him.

Ha! what is't, say'st thou ?

Lady T. Good faith, it sounds a very pretty busi

ness!